RE: Need a chuckle?

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 12:18:05 PM

CATdawg

Posts: 158
Joined: 2/26/2006
Home base: Keller TX
Status: offline

Thank you!

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"Many a time have skillful workmen tried to contrive a wheel that shall turn of itself..." -Archimedes

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 3:12:30 PM

GlennO

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/21/2006
Home base: Paducah, KY
Status: offline

While working down in Fort Lauderdale, FL a few months ago, I stopped in at a Kentucky Fried Chicken for a quick lunch. While waiting for my order, I struck up a small conversation with the lady working the counter. I told her that I was from Kentucky and was working claims. With a puzzle look on her face she ask me if there were any Kentucky Fried Chickens in Kentucky. She didn't know it, but she enlightened my day. Without laughter, the bones dry up!

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 4:13:51 PM

ddreisbach

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/6/2004
Home base: Kemah, TX
Status: offline

True story: A friend went to Burger King, ordered and paid, and was given a receipt that said his order number was #117.

After awhile the clerk behind the counter said, "Eleventy-seven! Eleventy-seven! Order eleventy-seven!"

My friend hesitated... thought about it... then went up and got his order.

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 6:02:34 PM

aporco

Posts: 124
Joined: 4/21/2004
Status: offline

I noticed that many of the posts here involve fast food outlets. No wonder these jobs are considered the bottom of the food chain. (Pun intended.)

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/6/2006 11:15:11 PM

rass3742

Posts: 131
Joined: 7/6/2005
Home base: Spokane, WA
Status: offline

I was standing in line at McDonalds a few years ago. The lady in front of me asked for a small Coke. The gal behind the counter said they didn't have small; only large and medium. I asked the gal ordering how they could have a medium with only two sizes. "Medium relative to what?"

The gal behind the counter had such a confused look on her face; I'm guessing she quit before her shift ended.

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/6/2006 11:56:23 PM

Elliott

Posts: 121
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Okay, this one will give everyone a laugh. I posted this on Claims Mentor back in May. Ture story. For those of you who know this story, laugh again.

The Case of the Stolen House

As unbelievable as this sounds, it did actually happen to ME (of course)!

I've had some of my property in La. for sale for the past month or so. It went into contract Friday. On the property is an old house that was used at one time for a summer home. In my opinion, it needed to be torn down, but the buyers wanted to keep it and fix it up to use while their new home was being built on the property.

Yesterday afternoon I get a phone call from the buyers wanting to know if I had been to the property over the weekend. I had not been there.

They then tell me part of the house had been stolen.

WHAT???? STOLEN????

My brain was not comprehending what would constitute a stolen house. Dumb founded, I tell my buyers I would drive out there immediately to see what was going on. On the way there, many scenarios ran through my head... tornado perhaps? Overall, there was no logical answer I could come up with.

I get there and the buyer arrives just behind me. No one spoke at first. We both stood there looking at the house with open mouth wonder.

Half the house was indeed stolen. The thieves took the wood fencing, half of the decked front porch and half of the metal roof.

These thieves must've been idiots though. They took the panels of wood fencing by cutting them from the posts with a skill saw, but left the posts... the expensive part. The porch was made of 8 ft decking. It must've been to hard to take the boards up in usable pieces, so the cut them off with a skill saw too... very crooked. This left the criminals with 6-7 ft useless boards. Half the metal roof was cut off with a skill saw too.

They must have been in a real hurry because they took the redwood mailbox out of the ground but forgot it. They also forgot many of the boards they worked so hard to take up. I guess they couldn't carry it all. The best one, they cut some of the electrical wires from the main panel with snips, took the wire, but left the expensive box.

The buyer is upset and rightfully so. I'm at a complete loss for words on this.

Finally, we decide we have to call the police. Never in all my life did I think I would be calling the police to report a stolen house. The dispatcher thought I was crazy... but I couldn't blame her. It was too bizarre for words. She tried as hard as she could to not laugh as she asked her questions, but what exactly to you ask for a stolen house report???

The sheriff's deputy arrived. As he walked up the driveway, he had the same dumb founded look on his face. Just then, he got a call on his radio. His reply was, "10/4 half the house IS missing."

All I could do is laugh! Once I caught my breath, "Bet you guys had money riding on this one" flew from my mouth. He laughed, "In 20 years I have NEVER gotten a call for a stolen house."

We filled out the reports and talked to the neighbors (all 2 of them). House theft is apparently a serious offense.

When I got home, my cousin stopped by. I told him the story. He stopped for a minute and thought about it. Then he told me he was talking with to Sheriff's deputies earlier. They were laughing about a call that came over the radios about a stolen house. Apparently the call went parish wide. I wonder what the odds were on the bets. 70-1? million-1?

The house thieves are still at large. St. Tammany Parish Sheriff's Dept. is investigating.

This just tells me how crazed people really are post Katrina. Is the building material shortage so great that they need to steal houses?? How does one prevent house theft in the future??

When I woke up this morning, all I could think was, "Someone stole my friggin house." I'm mad, but I can't say it aloud without laughing. The words coming out my mouth just do not make sense.

I've seen a lot of things since Katrina, but this takes the cake!

I swear, things like this only happen to me. I should write a book. I'd make millions!

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/7/2006 12:55:38 AM

gordon1

Posts: 89
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

Elliott-So sorry to hear about your loss (of your house) & the level people will stoop to-Did you try posting flyers with pictures in case someone happens to see your house somewhere? (just trying to make light of it)-What a shame that scoundrels would do that? How low can they go?It is a good thing you have a sense of humor about it. I gather you put in a claim for the stolen house & the carrier believed you. On another note relative to this thread; I was working in Wichita after the Oklahoma City tornadoes a few years ago with my wife. I was on the roof & the insured was yelling & cussing at my wife in a threatening manner on the ground. I had to tell him that I would jump off of the roof like SuperFly Snooka (an old wrestler) if he didn't stop cussing & yelling at my wife. He ended up apologizing to my wife & self & invited us in to see pictures of his cows. Being from NY, we thought this to be very friendly, so we accepted. It was a nice conversation in which he kept saying he worked for the "Boing" factory(boing as in springs go boing)-We understood everything he said & we didn;t detect an accent that we could not understand. We just didn;t know what the Boing factory was.We weren't familiar with the area & figured there was some Slinky or spring factory somewhere. Well after a few days, we heard another person somewhere else refer to the Boing factory, so we asked what they made. It turned out it was the Boeing factory( as in jet planes). We felt a little silly, but were glad that we were able to make peace with this guy & decipher the word. Some of the nicest people in Wichita-God bless people that live in an area where you need a bomb shelter & have 30 seconds to get in it-The guy turned out to be one of the nicest insureds ever

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/7/2006 12:56:20 AM

rass3742

Posts: 131
Joined: 7/6/2005
Home base: Spokane, WA
Status: offline

So do you only get ACV on your market value because only part of your stolen house has to be replaced? LOL

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/7/2006 3:35:38 AM

racko

Posts: 241
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gordon1

Elliott-So sorry to hear about your loss (of your house) & the level people will stoop to-Did you try posting flyers with pictures in case someone happens to see your house somewhere? (just trying to make light of it)-What a shame that scoundrels would do that? How low can they go?It is a good thing you have a sense of humor about it. I gather you put in a claim for the stolen house & the carrier believed you. On another note relative to this thread; I was working in Wichita after the Oklahoma City tornadoes a few years ago with my wife. I was on the roof & the insured was yelling & cussing at my wife in a threatening manner on the ground. I had to tell him that I would jump off of the roof like SuperFly Snooka (an old wrestler) if he didn't stop cussing & yelling at my wife. He ended up apologizing to my wife & self & invited us in to see pictures of his cows. Being from NY, we thought this to be very friendly, so we accepted. It was a nice conversation in which he kept saying he worked for the "Boing" factory(boing as in springs go boing)-We understood everything he said & we didn;t detect an accent that we could not understand. We just didn;t know what the Boing factory was.We weren't familiar with the area & figured there was some Slinky or spring factory somewhere. Well after a few days, we heard another person somewhere else refer to the Boing factory, so we asked what they made. It turned out it was the Boeing factory( as in jet planes). We felt a little silly, but were glad that we were able to make peace with this guy & decipher the word. Some of the nicest people in Wichita-God bless people that live in an area where you need a bomb shelter & have 30 seconds to get in it-The guy turned out to be one of the nicest insureds ever

Just another example of what we need to know before we go.....it is so much easier if you have some geographical knowledge, and can communicate with your customer. Can't blame you if you're from NY & don't know about Boeing in Wichita, I'd have the same problem in many places. Use it to your advantage...make the home folk feel good about their whereabouts, let them carry on about all the good things they have, etc...but always nice to know a little about it before-hand to be able to bring it up first!

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/7/2006 10:35:42 PM

gordon1

Posts: 89
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

Racko,
I didn't have time to research the local are before I went & usually don't/It was one of those unexpected phone calls that said you have to leave right after you hang up the phone. We drove for 22 hours straight, with my dog. We got soo bleeried eyed that we decided to pull over in some pitch black area to catch some shut eye & so we could stop seeing double. Well after about an hour, I awoke to the sound of a jet plane roar-I looked up thru my sunroof & saw the belly of a plane.We parked at the end of some runway in the middle of nowhere, with no signs anywhere-It scared the hek out of us-We laughed & thanked our lucky stars for the remaining 8 hours of driving-While at the Outback Steakhouse in Wichita, our waitress had never met anyone from NY. She went & got all of her waitress pals & they all(10 of them) came over to our table to find out what NY was like. None of them had ever left Wichita & they were all in their 20's. It felt weird to be treated like we were famous, just because we were from NY.They were real nice folks.Of course, we told them how great it was here, but that was before the taxes got way out of hand.Now I would tell them to stay far,far away, unless they hit the mega-millions jackpot

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/8/2006 6:06:44 PM

StormSupport

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/23/2006
Home base: Coastal VA
Status: offline

Terrorism Alert!

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of absolute values.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3
sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would
have given us more fingers and toes."

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/8/2006 11:03:50 PM

racko

Posts: 241
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

All flights were cancelled earlier today in & out of the Twin Cities after a conversation between two elderly women was overheard as they were preparing to board the plane. After a brief strip search, a pair of knitting needles was absconded. The reason for the search? One of them told the other "I think I'll make an Afgan while we're in the air".

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/13/2006 10:08:17 AM

StormSupport

Posts: 89
Joined: 5/23/2006
Home base: Coastal VA
Status: offline

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, and I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's so full of it. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/13/2006 12:01:46 PM

Darryl

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Just remember, there are three kinds of people in the world; those that get math and those that don't.

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RE: Need a chuckle? - 9/16/2006 6:56:44 PM

catwoman

Posts: 45
Joined: 7/12/2005
Home base: Mobile, Alabama
Status: offline

This week I was driving my mother, in her car to dinner. I was telling her that I had my windshield replaced, and how they come to your home and do it. She leaned forward, looked at the windshield, ran her hand across the glass, and said " Well, they did a beautiful job". Trying not to laugh, I said " Momma, this is your car". On the way back, she said she had a headache. I replied " I have some Advil in my glove box". Bless her heart.

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