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Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 6:49:05 PM
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claims_ray
Posts: 43
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
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I found this posted on a hunting board that I go to.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman, KS.
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City!
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 7:09:16 PM
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jadle
Posts: 110
Joined: 6/5/2005
Home base: Potsdam, NY
Status: offline
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Here's your sign!
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 7:18:26 PM
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CATdawg
Posts: 158
Joined: 2/26/2006
Home base: Keller TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: claims_ray
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE
With all due respect, and assuming these examples aren't apocryphal (and my experiences in life give me no reason to doubt the veracity of these reports) "alertness" won't be enough, and eugenics isn't morally or legislatively possible. My guess is that moving "somewhere else" (Switzerland; or another planet, if that's not redundant) would but offer a new variety of idiot. Perhaps we're left with prayer; which, when you think about it, is as effective a solution to Life's idiocies as any other known antidote, both prophylactically and post-occurrence.
Not that I'm proselytizing. I'm very relieved to receive this post on CADO and not as an attachment in email, for otherwise I never would have had the pleasure of reading it.
< Message edited by CATdawg -- 8/18/2006 7:25:48 PM >
_____________________________
Lee Norwood
"Many a time have skillful workmen tried to contrive a wheel that shall turn of itself..." -Archimedes
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 7:38:35 PM
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claims_ray
Posts: 43
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
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After opening my dictionary and looking up several words real quick, I would have to agree with CATdawg. lol
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 8:10:24 PM
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CATdawg
Posts: 158
Joined: 2/26/2006
Home base: Keller TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: claims_ray
After opening my dictionary and looking up several words real quick, I would have to agree with CATdawg. lol
What can I say? I grew up in DC, where obfuscation and impenetrable prose are elevated to an art form!...LOL!
_____________________________
Lee Norwood
"Many a time have skillful workmen tried to contrive a wheel that shall turn of itself..." -Archimedes
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 9:11:37 PM
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DFWCat
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline
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LOL, OK, now you're just showing off...
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 10:07:23 PM
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aporco
Posts: 124
Joined: 4/21/2004
Status: offline
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I remember going to a Taco Bell in Walnut Creek, CA wherein they had a notice that menus in braille were available. The notice which had the information also printed in braille was located under a glass cover; therefore, unable to be touched (read) by a blind person. Makes ya wonder, doesn't it? And people argue against retroactive abortion.
< Message edited by aporco -- 8/18/2006 10:34:53 PM >
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 10:22:55 PM
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racko
Posts: 241
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DFWCat
LOL, OK, now you're just showing off...
DFW... did you mean to say "ostentatious"? chuckle, chuckle
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/18/2006 10:39:05 PM
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DFWCat
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: racko
quote:
ORIGINAL: DFWCat
LOL, OK, now you're just showing off...
DFW... did you mean to say "ostentatious"? chuckle, chuckle
Not with my vocabulary. I use templates and a handful of catchy insurance phrases to write my reports. LOL
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 12:06:59 AM
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CATdawg
Posts: 158
Joined: 2/26/2006
Home base: Keller TX
Status: offline
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I can't cut-and-paste everything that, to my innate sensitive nature, might have been perceived by me as some kind of "dig" >sniff sniff<; so, instead, I will submit the following:
1) I refuse to be held accountable for the "nurture" component of my "Nature vs. Nurture" makeup. Come to think of it, I refuse to be held accountable for either: In the words of that great scholar Wimpy, "I yam what I yam and that's all I yam".
2) Contrary to the impression I might leave here, I hope I am among the least pompous persons you will ever get to know; but I bring into the acquaintance equation a wealth of memorable characters that have shaped my life (Warning: you are very likely the next one!).
3) If you don't make fun of me using my vocabulary, which has cost me thousands of dollars over the years in subscriptions to periodicals that contain articles and essays that are incomparably better-written than anything I've ever posted anywhere, then I promise not criticize your spelling, grammar, or syntax in public.
< Message edited by CATdawg -- 8/19/2006 5:18:53 AM >
_____________________________
Lee Norwood
"Many a time have skillful workmen tried to contrive a wheel that shall turn of itself..." -Archimedes
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 12:22:25 AM
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claims_ray
Posts: 43
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline
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My comment was simply to make note of the eloquency of your verbage.
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 1:15:21 AM
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Tom_Toll
Posts: 560
Joined: 4/19/2004
Home base: Austin, AR
Status: offline
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There is nothing wrong with a good vocabulary, only problem, most people do not understand the big words, so I have found out. But feel free to continue and you certainly are not pompous by having a good verbal/written command of english.
_____________________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 1:24:54 AM
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kittycat
Posts: 86
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline
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Common responses would be...Huh? What'd you mean by that? What did you say? Could you spell it out? Speak English! Well I never!!!
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 1:46:38 AM
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RandyC
Posts: 62
Joined: 12/30/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CATdawg
What can I say? I grew up in DC, where obfuscation and impenetrable prose are elevated to an art form!...LOL!
DC, huh? What part of Dallas, County?
RandyC
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 2:20:42 AM
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Big Bob
Posts: 187
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
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You mean like rappers?
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 2:32:02 AM
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Big Bob
Posts: 187
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
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The art and goal of successful communication is to maintain the attention of your audience and hopefully the retention of the information you wish to manipulate.( thats why sex sells)
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 2:56:14 AM
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racko
Posts: 241
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CATdawg
I can't cut-and-paste everything that, to my innate sensitive nature, might have been perceived by me as some kind of "dig" >sniff sniff<; so, instead, I will submit the following:
1) I refuse to be held accountablefor the "nurture" component of my "Nature vs. Nurture" makeup. Come to think of it, I refuse to be held accountable for either: In the words of that great scholar Wimpy, "I yam what I yam and that's all I yam".
2) Contrary to the impression I might leave here, I hope I am among the least pompous persons you will ever get to know; but I bring into the acquaintance equation a wealth of memorable characters that have shaped my life (Warning: you are very likely the next one!).
3) If you don't make fun of me using my vocabularly, which has cost me thousands of dollars over the years in subscriptions to periodicals that contain articles and essays that are incomparably better-written than anything I've ever posted anywhere, then I promise not criticise your spelling, grammar, or syntax in public.
Um, Hey hey Darryl... you know them pills you was talkin' bout....I think CATdawg lost his too! We wents to funnin' on him, and lookies what happened??
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 6:23:23 AM
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CATdawg
Posts: 158
Joined: 2/26/2006
Home base: Keller TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: racko
Um, Hey hey Darryl... you know them pills you was talkin' bout....I think CATdawg lost his too! We wents to funnin' on him, and lookies what happened??
Pills, or lack thereof: two separate perils. Neither has been covered by any friend- or family-member policy so far, to my chagrin; although every party in every dispute involving my "HO LEE" policy has an opinion about remediation of damage and subro issues. Thank you all here on CADO for reminding me about the Lipitor and Xanax. If I could find my watch, cell phone, and meds as easily as I can find feedback on CADO , I'd be a truly organized hombre.
_____________________________
Lee Norwood
"Many a time have skillful workmen tried to contrive a wheel that shall turn of itself..." -Archimedes
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RE: Need a chuckle? - 8/19/2006 11:41:33 AM
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DFWCat
Posts: 13
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline
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Lee, don't misunderstand my comments, mine were made in jest. If anything it's just my jealousy of your command of the English language.
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